Peaks and Plateaus = Erin here

Hi all, sorry we haven’t posted in a while. We’ve been going through a few changes just lately. Thus far we have been so lucky. For us it has been a slow journey. We’ve had some setbacks sure, but have managed to cope I think pretty well considering. These last few months however have seen a drastic change not only in Bills condition but also in his demeanour. To date whenever Bill was feeling down he was able to “snap himself out of it” quick smart. At the moment it is taking him longer and longer to pull himself out of that dark place. Its a worrying sign and it just saps the energy out of you.

Don’t get me wrong, he is still having more better days than bad days, but the bad days aren’t very nice. I didn’t realise how much I depended on Bills positivity to keep me going, dealing with a depressed Bill is not pleasant for me or the kids.  Today we had a “few words” because he was short with our baby and made her cry, she had been trying to help him with something and wasn’t doing it fast enough, so I go in wearing my “mama bear” hat and give him a few short sharp words myself. He looks at me, grins and says, “I wondered how long you’d let me get away with it”. The buggar……I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or yell at him again. So I pulled the ol “silent treatment trick” until our baby came out and said, mum its okay, dad said he was sorry for being a dickhead to me………THE BUGGAR! Soooooooo, all’s well that ends well as the saying goes.

We talked about the last few weeks and what’s been going on in Bills head that he hasn’t been telling us. Between Xmas and New Year, Bills family were here for their family reunion. It was awesome, first time Bill and all his siblings had been in the same place at the same time since his nephew died quite some time ago. During the reunion we had a series of minor setbacks which meant Bill only spent 3 hours at the reunion and the rest of it at home in bed. The reunion was due to break up New Years eve, so his immediate family the whole dang lot of them, all his siblings, all their children and all of their children decided well buggar it, we’re gonna go spend our last night in Tauranga with Bill and Erin, and they did, they left the reunion and came to our place, and he loved every minute of it. They celebrated new years eve a day early, all the young folk took off into the clubs and left us oldies lol at home just enjoying a few drinks and having a good catch up. Then the following day they all left, and while I was out waving the last of his family off, he was in his bed crying. Now one would think that I might get a clue from that wouldn’t you! Duhhhhhhh, he assured me he was just sad to see them all go and was good as gold after that. After our little heart to heart this afternoon he finally told me, he doesn’t think he’s going to see some of them again, he has a sister who lives in Australia and another one who is moving from Auckland to Aussy in a week or two, and a brother who lives right at the top of the North Island…….and he’s been keeping that thought to himself and letting if fester……..and then with the recent changes in his condition it just all got a bit much for him which is why he’d been acting so out of character.

 

I’m hoping that for the time being our little heart to heart means that things will be okay. Just a matter of keeping an ol eye out for any signs I guess. Either way, we just all need to be a little bit more vigilant and patient.

This past Thursday I attended the funeral of an Uncle of mine, he was a minister in the Anglican church. The Bishop officiated the funeral and read a poem that brought a smile to the faces of everyone who was present.  The poem is entitled “THE DASH” written by an author named Linda Ellis….read and enjoy!

I read of a reverend who stood to speak
at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth…
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard…
are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
(You could be at "dash mid-range.")

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more

and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile…
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy’s being read
with your life’s actions to rehash...
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash

That’s all for now, talk again soon.

Erin